Important safety tip

GlitterGoddess introduced me to witches fingers. I managed to acquire one and -- well? Just so you know, don't pick up a witches' finger with a diamond ring on your hand. Not unless you want to make a tour of Universe in 0 to .1 seconds.

Good thing I was better grounded than I realized or might not have made it back!

Yeah.

As much as I tell myself that I will not give in to fibro, that's easier said then done. Fighting anything takes energy, and when you have none, it's a little difficult to resist anything attempting to drag you down. Add brain fog to that, and it's a 2-3 punch. Pain I can deal with. Stiffness is a piece of cake. Those things are nothing. No, it's the total lack of energy and cognitive impairment that is the worst. The funny things is, before my diagnosis, I would've thought nothing of it; I would've dismissed it all as lack of sleep. While the diagnosis has allowed me to escape paranoia over the onset of early senility, there is also a danger of it becoming a crutch. This I will not allow, or at least, I don't intend to allow. That being said, it's a little hard to get up the motivation when you have not one jot of ambition or energy. Fibromyalgia sucks you dry.

And yet, there are moments where it all doesn't matter.

Yesterday morning, when I raised my blinds, a caught a hummingbird kissing the blossoms of a Russian sage plant. The roses we transplanted last year and I was afraid we might have killed, were in full bloom. The snapdragons are enjoying their placement in the ground, and the blackberries appear to be heading for a bumper crop. Everything is alive out there. From crow to fox, turkey to hummingbird, eagle to deer to roses of burgundy velvet, life is thriving. That afternoon, thunderheads came rolling in, and the cool rain and the crack of thunder reminded me how magnificent Nature really is. The never ending cycles of birth, life, death and rebirth, the sheer tenacity of life and the instinct for survival -- in spite of all the terrible news of setbacks and bloodshed, that never changes. Life is good.

One ring to bind them in love

The Universe has provided me with an unexpected bounty. No, I didn't win the lottery; I wasn't really serious about that anyway. What it has done is come out from left field and threw an major amplifier in the form of a ring into my lap. No, I'm not getting married. I can't go into a lot of detail but suffice it say, I never for one moment expected this to happen. It involves a jewelry store going out of business, a major sale and holy rainbow unicorns, Batman, what a gobsmacking deal!

Why me?

Because obviously the Universe felt that I needed it. To explain this, I feel I must go back into time a bit and describe something that's been going on for close to a year now.

Sometime last Spring, I believe. I started to see a towering crystal full of light in my mind's eye, and when I say towering, I mean exactly that: a crystal the size of a six story tall building. Now, I had some clue as to where this crystal came from due to some past life work I did years ago that resulted in a lot of visions and a hell of a lot of confusion as well as emotional release. I knew this stone. Intimately. In spite of this, I tried not to think about it over much as it was upsetting. To see it whole again and glowing with light was quite a shock. The sight of it followed me throughout the day and into the night. Finally, I acknowledged that the vision was trying to tell me something and accepted the message it was giving me; using that light was also extremely comforting in times of stress. Soon, the image change. I was no longer standing on the outside of the stone, looking at it but inside it, surrounded by its light.

I realized that this light was not just meant for me, that somehow, I had to figure out a way to release it into the Earth, but beyond anchoring it into the planet, I had no idea what to do with it. I prayed hard about this, but as far as I know, I got no answer or at least one that I recognized as an answer the moment I got it. It was far more gradual then that.

I no longer see the crystal or the light, but I feel it deep inside my core. I can touch it whenever I want to.

Come this past March, I started hearing crickets whenever I went to sleep. Crickets are not around at this time of year, or at least they are not singing like they do in August. Obviously, Cricket was trying to tell me something. What? I have no idea at the moment, but I thought I'd throw that out there.

Then came the magnolia petal in the flowering plant, telling me to gather rose quartz and put it in the garden. I've had some success with that but believe it or not, it's very difficult to find plain, ordinary chunk rose quartz of a suitable size that has not been cut and polished. However, the magnolia tree is very happy about its stone and the rose quartz is happier then a pig in mud on a hot day to be outside.

After that, I had to cope with the idea of this toxic individual from my past moving into my horse's barn and destroying the peace that I found there. So far, I've been handling it well but that incident made me break out the two big laser wands I have in order to do a little aura cleansing; they are very good at that.

And now this ring -- good, holy God! I think the Universe is telling me it wants me to further my investigation of gemstones. Furthermore, it has another task in hand. After I got the ring, I had a vision of holding up one of the big laser wants in my left hand, the ring on my left ring finger. Then it switched, the same image only with the right hand. I finally realized what that meant: the ring and the laser wand are to enable me to pull in energy, transform it and send it out. The rose quartz in the garden pointed out that the Earth needs love; to counteract the negativity and fear that rules our lives with the light of pure love.

The ring is not a luxury but a tool. Obviously, the Universe feels I can do this task. I hope I do not disappoint it.

Shopping for crystals on eBay

Look at her. Isn't she a beauty? This is the lepidolite encrusted watermelon tourmaline I was talking about. You know, the one I was trying to resist? When I was remind about the patience of stone? Yeah, that one. As you can see, I caved which was inevitable, really. I think I mentioned I was doomed? Yes, I was doomed all right. Nothing has more patience then a stone, and like I said, when I hear that phrase, I know that resistance is futile.

The energy of this stone is phenomenal. You hold her in your hand and pretty soon your hand starts to vibrate and you feel her energies coursing through your body, seeking out areas of blockages and imbalance. It's like being gently immersed in pure, crystal clear water; like entering the light of the sun and not getting burned. She balances and sooths, heals and guides, and does it so gently, you hardly notice the changes she's making. I dislike using the word "powerful" as it has all sorts of connotations that have no business on any one's light path, but this crystal is powerful. She wields it like a fine surgeon's hand while at the same time, wrapping you up in a warm, fuzzy blanket and telling you, "There, there."

The combination of lepidolite -- a soothing, calming stone that eases healing and transitions -- and watermelon tourmaline -- a stone of pure heart -- is remarkable. Truly a therapy stone, perfect for emotional or psychological dysfunction and her physical healing capabilities are nothing to sneeze at either.

So where did I find this beauty?

Ebay.

Yes, eBay. While I generally prefer to deal one on one in shops, that's not always possible when looking for a specific crystal. I like eBay because there are some protections in place whereas I don't know if some random website on the Internet is reputable or not. That's not to say you can't get ripped off on eBay, but with a little care, you can avoid those situations.

First, I always check the seller's positive review rating, generally sticking to those sellers who have 99-100% If it's something rare or difficult to find, I might go a little lower but not much and then only after I've checked the comments beforehand. The fact of the matter is a seller's rating can be downgraded simply because some tool gets his jollies at ruining a perfect record. One negative review in the past 6-12 month doesn't bother me. If it's half a dozen within a month or two, then I pass them by.

Second, I check the location. I do not buy from China. Partially this is because the Chinese on eBay do not have a good reputation. Very often, you'll see them selling an optically clear point for next to nothing and the odds are that's it's glass being sold as quartz. Natural crystals may be a safer bet, but that's no guarantee that a clever glass smith hasn't been able to fake an ajoite with skill. Another reason I avoid China is the shipping costs are just too prohibitive. Generally, I prefer to get my stuff from dealers who are in the same hemisphere as I. If they are in the same country, even better.

Third, I always scope the crystal out much in the same way I scope them out in a store. I feel their energy. How can that be possible over a computer? Simple. I place my palm over the picture and concentrate on the stone. It may not be as clear and direct as actually holding the stone, but it does give me enough an idea to determine whether or not it's really calling to me. Remember, they are rocks. The Earth is made of rocks and energy is not always contained by walls. All it takes is a bit of intent and concentration.

Fourth, if I have my doubts and/or I'm nervous because it's expensive, I put it on my watch list and let it stew for a few days if that's at all possible. If I keep going back to it, if it sticks in my head, generally that's a sign that it is meant to be.

Another benefit to eBay are the pictures. I like to copy them, throw them into Photoshop, mark them with their identity, place of origin and size, and store it in my own personal catalog. This is especially helpful with some of the more obscure stones. My memory is not very good, after all.

I bought this tourmaline-lepidolite from Dharma Rain Crystals (dharmarain on eBay) who kindly gave me permission to use one of their photographs as they are a lot better at it then I am. You should check them out, they've got some nice stuff.

Only half-serious

Dear Universe,

I am grateful for all the love and support you have shown me; I am incredibly blessed and thank you for that. That being said, I would like you to know that I wouldn't say no to a lotto jackpot. Do I sound like a whining child? I hope not as that is not my intention. Am I asking for money? Not really; my needs are met. No, what I am asking for is the means to further indulge my stone finding habit. I really enjoy stone finding; it gives me pleasure and besides which, it's a hell of a lot of fun. In another words, what I am asking for is the means to give away on a slightly grander scale. Grand, in this case, means more often. I like giving away. I want to give away. Please? Daddy? Can I give away? And still be able to pay my bills?

Love and Kisses,

Inyan Maka



PS - Hell, it worked for a horse, why not for stone finding?

Protection (pt. 2): Drawing a line in the sand

I have a tattoo on my right arm, a Celtic style band with the words "I Refuse" written above it. The day I decided to get this tattoo was the day I finally drew a line in the sand, when I said to the Universe, "Enough! No more!" I had been overwhelmed with the constant pulse of fear and hate bombarding us all from all sides. The lack of hope, the constant despair and the blatant irresponsibility of everyone (it seemed) towards their own lives, actions and words. Irrespective of the fact that I had decided to be no longer a victim back in 1992, I felt the need to reaffirm that decision in a form for all to see. No more hiding in the shadows! No more silence! Enough! I had it!

The day I walked out of the parlor, the tattoo newly etched onto my skin, it was as if the whole Universe had come to a standstill and taken note. It understood what I meant, and it backed my decision 100%. It was a very spiritual experience.

Since then, the various reactions I've gotten to this tattoo has been fascinating. It's run the gamut from my mother telling me that fear was necessary (which gave me a disturbing insight into her psyche, let me tell you!) to my brother's partner's reaction of reading "refuse" as a synonym for garbage. For the most part, it's been greeted by confusion, as if the concept of refusing to be a victim, of refusing to give into fear, refusing to go along with the tumultuous tide of the rest of the world had never occurred to them. Confusion, and yes, a sense of unease; the very idea disturbed them. Of all the people who have asked about my tattoo, only one person got it and that was a stranger, a woman in a gas station who I had never seen before nor since. Interesting, no?

It seems that Western culture has indoctrinated a sense in us that we cannot control our own fate. If someone wants to make a victim of us, there is nothing we can do to stop them and at best, we can hope to pick up the pieces later. Bad luck and nameless bogeymen dog our every step, and we're taught to pray to God to protect us and use God to hate and persecute anyone who does not agree with us. Hypocrisy, fear, hate -- it's all endemic, and the sad irony, it's totally unnecessary.

Remember, fear is the tool of those who wish to have total control of everyone else. Hate is its step child. Frustrated rage turns against us, and censorship is the prop that hold all in place. Silence gives permission for the status quo to endure.

I refuse to buy into that paradigm. I will not be its victim nor will I be the victim of anyone or anything else. I choose my path, and I choose it alone. No one else has permission to interfere in any way, shape or form. I will not go there. I will not give in. I refuse.

Life is about choices, and with choices, comes permission of what we will or will not encounter and learn from. Whenever a choice is presented, it is as if we are being faced with a fork in the road and what direction we then choose to take, leads to its own set of consequences. The outcome is entirely up to us.

Both permission and choice are difficult concepts to explain. Most people revolt at the very idea that they made a choice or gave permission for anything bad that might have happened in their lives. This is understandable. Who wants to admit that they made a mistake? Who wants bad things to happen to them? Plus, it seems to be a part of the human condition to seek out scapegoats for our problems and blame them on someone/something else rather then accept that we ourselves might have had a hand in the matter.

What we tend to forget is that we are here for a reason, to learn and to grow and that doesn't happen unless we are presented with challenges. The phrase is "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger" not "That which delights us makes us stronger." It's the roadblocks in life that accelerate the process, not the fun times.

Does that mean a Holocaust victim chose to die the way she did? In some respects, yes. A soul incarnates for a reason and if part of that reason is to die horrifically, then it is a choice. Perhaps it is to accelerate the discharging of Karmic debt or maybe to help teach the rest of us an important lesson on tolerance. Who knows? That's part of the challenge in life -- we never remember why we are here! Why? Because how else will whatever we came to learn be truly learned? Does the implied choice of that Holocaust victim make her suffering any less? Hell no! Indeed, it elevates her to the role of a Saint. Is she responsible for what was done to her? No, because those who tortured her also made a choice and their choice is their responsibility, not hers. After all, if their choices were different, she would not have been forced to make hers.

The Universe is all about intent and what we intend is what we get. Sometimes that intention can be insidious, even unconscious. If we feel we don't deserve something, guess what? We won't get it no matter how many affirmations we chant to the contrary. If we become stuck in a mind set that is contrary to our growth, people will come into our lives to teach us the consequences of that mind set and the longer we hold onto it, the worse it will get. If you feel that you don't deserve something, the best way to prevent it from coming into your life is to act like you don't deserve it, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. If you put out negativity, you will get negativity coming back to you in its turn. If you worry about something bad happening to you in spite of all the evidence to the contrary, it will happen. Do not buy into the fear. Reject it, and by rejecting it, give permission for only the light to come into your life.

Refuse to be a victim. Draw your line in the sand.




PS - A complex, complicated subject and I've only managed to scratch the surface. It will probably come up again in the future.

A bit of this and that

I have not forgotten Protection, pt 2. It's just that in the last few mornings, I've been in a bit of a fog and can't gather my thoughts enough to write anything coherent. Suspect this is what they call a "fibro flare-up"; the diagnosis and treatment is still too new for me to predict how this thing behaves. I lifted a 50 lb bag of Strongid C2X, a horse wormer, the wrong way and it has really messed me up. My apologies to anyone who's actually reading this thing.

In other news, I finally got the macro lens for my new camera and hopefully will have some more pitiful attempts at photographing crystals up on the blog. Illustrations are good, no?

A watermelon tourmaline with lepidolite clusters is calling to me. I keep crying out to the Universe that I can't afford this, that there are such things as budgets and fiscal responsibilities; it merely laughs at me and the rocks tell me, "That's all right, we have the patience of stone."

Think about that for a moment. "The patience of stone." Gives you chills, doesn't it? Not that they meant it that way, but it essentially tells me that I am doomed. Remember that image. It will probably come up later.

It's clear the one of the missions of this life is to trust. I have serious problems with being able to trust. Throwing my fate into the wind, so to speak, is out of character and yet, it is something that I feel I must learn how to do. After all, the Universe hasn't failed me yet, why can't I just give over? Because like a lot of people in this world, I have little control and strive to keep what I feel that I have. Never mind that control is illusion. At least what little they pretend to give us in western culture. There is a fine line between control, trust and foolishness. Perhaps the trick is not so much to learn how to trust, but how to walk that line without falling. Yes, the Universe provides but the Universe is also interested in seeing us grow, and like a good parent, will sometimes let us fall to get the point.

Something else to think about.

I've moved my Buddha from beside my front door to under the wisteria in one of the semi-neglected beds in the garden. He looks content there, but my front door feels naked. Thinking of getting a Kuan Yin or a Jizo for the spot. It's funny because I'm not a Buddhist and I know very little about Buddhism; I just like the aesthetics of the art. There is something very peaceful about a Buddha sitting beneath a wisteria. Anyway, here he is. Maybe I should remove that stick?