As much as I tell myself that I will not give in to fibro, that's easier said then done. Fighting anything takes energy, and when you have none, it's a little difficult to resist anything attempting to drag you down. Add brain fog to that, and it's a 2-3 punch. Pain I can deal with. Stiffness is a piece of cake. Those things are nothing. No, it's the total lack of energy and cognitive impairment that is the worst. The funny things is, before my diagnosis, I would've thought nothing of it; I would've dismissed it all as lack of sleep. While the diagnosis has allowed me to escape paranoia over the onset of early senility, there is also a danger of it becoming a crutch. This I will not allow, or at least, I don't intend to allow. That being said, it's a little hard to get up the motivation when you have not one jot of ambition or energy. Fibromyalgia sucks you dry.

And yet, there are moments where it all doesn't matter.

Yesterday morning, when I raised my blinds, a caught a hummingbird kissing the blossoms of a Russian sage plant. The roses we transplanted last year and I was afraid we might have killed, were in full bloom. The snapdragons are enjoying their placement in the ground, and the blackberries appear to be heading for a bumper crop. Everything is alive out there. From crow to fox, turkey to hummingbird, eagle to deer to roses of burgundy velvet, life is thriving. That afternoon, thunderheads came rolling in, and the cool rain and the crack of thunder reminded me how magnificent Nature really is. The never ending cycles of birth, life, death and rebirth, the sheer tenacity of life and the instinct for survival -- in spite of all the terrible news of setbacks and bloodshed, that never changes. Life is good.