Shopping for crystals on eBay

Look at her. Isn't she a beauty? This is the lepidolite encrusted watermelon tourmaline I was talking about. You know, the one I was trying to resist? When I was remind about the patience of stone? Yeah, that one. As you can see, I caved which was inevitable, really. I think I mentioned I was doomed? Yes, I was doomed all right. Nothing has more patience then a stone, and like I said, when I hear that phrase, I know that resistance is futile.

The energy of this stone is phenomenal. You hold her in your hand and pretty soon your hand starts to vibrate and you feel her energies coursing through your body, seeking out areas of blockages and imbalance. It's like being gently immersed in pure, crystal clear water; like entering the light of the sun and not getting burned. She balances and sooths, heals and guides, and does it so gently, you hardly notice the changes she's making. I dislike using the word "powerful" as it has all sorts of connotations that have no business on any one's light path, but this crystal is powerful. She wields it like a fine surgeon's hand while at the same time, wrapping you up in a warm, fuzzy blanket and telling you, "There, there."

The combination of lepidolite -- a soothing, calming stone that eases healing and transitions -- and watermelon tourmaline -- a stone of pure heart -- is remarkable. Truly a therapy stone, perfect for emotional or psychological dysfunction and her physical healing capabilities are nothing to sneeze at either.

So where did I find this beauty?

Ebay.

Yes, eBay. While I generally prefer to deal one on one in shops, that's not always possible when looking for a specific crystal. I like eBay because there are some protections in place whereas I don't know if some random website on the Internet is reputable or not. That's not to say you can't get ripped off on eBay, but with a little care, you can avoid those situations.

First, I always check the seller's positive review rating, generally sticking to those sellers who have 99-100% If it's something rare or difficult to find, I might go a little lower but not much and then only after I've checked the comments beforehand. The fact of the matter is a seller's rating can be downgraded simply because some tool gets his jollies at ruining a perfect record. One negative review in the past 6-12 month doesn't bother me. If it's half a dozen within a month or two, then I pass them by.

Second, I check the location. I do not buy from China. Partially this is because the Chinese on eBay do not have a good reputation. Very often, you'll see them selling an optically clear point for next to nothing and the odds are that's it's glass being sold as quartz. Natural crystals may be a safer bet, but that's no guarantee that a clever glass smith hasn't been able to fake an ajoite with skill. Another reason I avoid China is the shipping costs are just too prohibitive. Generally, I prefer to get my stuff from dealers who are in the same hemisphere as I. If they are in the same country, even better.

Third, I always scope the crystal out much in the same way I scope them out in a store. I feel their energy. How can that be possible over a computer? Simple. I place my palm over the picture and concentrate on the stone. It may not be as clear and direct as actually holding the stone, but it does give me enough an idea to determine whether or not it's really calling to me. Remember, they are rocks. The Earth is made of rocks and energy is not always contained by walls. All it takes is a bit of intent and concentration.

Fourth, if I have my doubts and/or I'm nervous because it's expensive, I put it on my watch list and let it stew for a few days if that's at all possible. If I keep going back to it, if it sticks in my head, generally that's a sign that it is meant to be.

Another benefit to eBay are the pictures. I like to copy them, throw them into Photoshop, mark them with their identity, place of origin and size, and store it in my own personal catalog. This is especially helpful with some of the more obscure stones. My memory is not very good, after all.

I bought this tourmaline-lepidolite from Dharma Rain Crystals (dharmarain on eBay) who kindly gave me permission to use one of their photographs as they are a lot better at it then I am. You should check them out, they've got some nice stuff.

Only half-serious

Dear Universe,

I am grateful for all the love and support you have shown me; I am incredibly blessed and thank you for that. That being said, I would like you to know that I wouldn't say no to a lotto jackpot. Do I sound like a whining child? I hope not as that is not my intention. Am I asking for money? Not really; my needs are met. No, what I am asking for is the means to further indulge my stone finding habit. I really enjoy stone finding; it gives me pleasure and besides which, it's a hell of a lot of fun. In another words, what I am asking for is the means to give away on a slightly grander scale. Grand, in this case, means more often. I like giving away. I want to give away. Please? Daddy? Can I give away? And still be able to pay my bills?

Love and Kisses,

Inyan Maka



PS - Hell, it worked for a horse, why not for stone finding?

Protection (pt. 2): Drawing a line in the sand

I have a tattoo on my right arm, a Celtic style band with the words "I Refuse" written above it. The day I decided to get this tattoo was the day I finally drew a line in the sand, when I said to the Universe, "Enough! No more!" I had been overwhelmed with the constant pulse of fear and hate bombarding us all from all sides. The lack of hope, the constant despair and the blatant irresponsibility of everyone (it seemed) towards their own lives, actions and words. Irrespective of the fact that I had decided to be no longer a victim back in 1992, I felt the need to reaffirm that decision in a form for all to see. No more hiding in the shadows! No more silence! Enough! I had it!

The day I walked out of the parlor, the tattoo newly etched onto my skin, it was as if the whole Universe had come to a standstill and taken note. It understood what I meant, and it backed my decision 100%. It was a very spiritual experience.

Since then, the various reactions I've gotten to this tattoo has been fascinating. It's run the gamut from my mother telling me that fear was necessary (which gave me a disturbing insight into her psyche, let me tell you!) to my brother's partner's reaction of reading "refuse" as a synonym for garbage. For the most part, it's been greeted by confusion, as if the concept of refusing to be a victim, of refusing to give into fear, refusing to go along with the tumultuous tide of the rest of the world had never occurred to them. Confusion, and yes, a sense of unease; the very idea disturbed them. Of all the people who have asked about my tattoo, only one person got it and that was a stranger, a woman in a gas station who I had never seen before nor since. Interesting, no?

It seems that Western culture has indoctrinated a sense in us that we cannot control our own fate. If someone wants to make a victim of us, there is nothing we can do to stop them and at best, we can hope to pick up the pieces later. Bad luck and nameless bogeymen dog our every step, and we're taught to pray to God to protect us and use God to hate and persecute anyone who does not agree with us. Hypocrisy, fear, hate -- it's all endemic, and the sad irony, it's totally unnecessary.

Remember, fear is the tool of those who wish to have total control of everyone else. Hate is its step child. Frustrated rage turns against us, and censorship is the prop that hold all in place. Silence gives permission for the status quo to endure.

I refuse to buy into that paradigm. I will not be its victim nor will I be the victim of anyone or anything else. I choose my path, and I choose it alone. No one else has permission to interfere in any way, shape or form. I will not go there. I will not give in. I refuse.

Life is about choices, and with choices, comes permission of what we will or will not encounter and learn from. Whenever a choice is presented, it is as if we are being faced with a fork in the road and what direction we then choose to take, leads to its own set of consequences. The outcome is entirely up to us.

Both permission and choice are difficult concepts to explain. Most people revolt at the very idea that they made a choice or gave permission for anything bad that might have happened in their lives. This is understandable. Who wants to admit that they made a mistake? Who wants bad things to happen to them? Plus, it seems to be a part of the human condition to seek out scapegoats for our problems and blame them on someone/something else rather then accept that we ourselves might have had a hand in the matter.

What we tend to forget is that we are here for a reason, to learn and to grow and that doesn't happen unless we are presented with challenges. The phrase is "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger" not "That which delights us makes us stronger." It's the roadblocks in life that accelerate the process, not the fun times.

Does that mean a Holocaust victim chose to die the way she did? In some respects, yes. A soul incarnates for a reason and if part of that reason is to die horrifically, then it is a choice. Perhaps it is to accelerate the discharging of Karmic debt or maybe to help teach the rest of us an important lesson on tolerance. Who knows? That's part of the challenge in life -- we never remember why we are here! Why? Because how else will whatever we came to learn be truly learned? Does the implied choice of that Holocaust victim make her suffering any less? Hell no! Indeed, it elevates her to the role of a Saint. Is she responsible for what was done to her? No, because those who tortured her also made a choice and their choice is their responsibility, not hers. After all, if their choices were different, she would not have been forced to make hers.

The Universe is all about intent and what we intend is what we get. Sometimes that intention can be insidious, even unconscious. If we feel we don't deserve something, guess what? We won't get it no matter how many affirmations we chant to the contrary. If we become stuck in a mind set that is contrary to our growth, people will come into our lives to teach us the consequences of that mind set and the longer we hold onto it, the worse it will get. If you feel that you don't deserve something, the best way to prevent it from coming into your life is to act like you don't deserve it, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. If you put out negativity, you will get negativity coming back to you in its turn. If you worry about something bad happening to you in spite of all the evidence to the contrary, it will happen. Do not buy into the fear. Reject it, and by rejecting it, give permission for only the light to come into your life.

Refuse to be a victim. Draw your line in the sand.




PS - A complex, complicated subject and I've only managed to scratch the surface. It will probably come up again in the future.

A bit of this and that

I have not forgotten Protection, pt 2. It's just that in the last few mornings, I've been in a bit of a fog and can't gather my thoughts enough to write anything coherent. Suspect this is what they call a "fibro flare-up"; the diagnosis and treatment is still too new for me to predict how this thing behaves. I lifted a 50 lb bag of Strongid C2X, a horse wormer, the wrong way and it has really messed me up. My apologies to anyone who's actually reading this thing.

In other news, I finally got the macro lens for my new camera and hopefully will have some more pitiful attempts at photographing crystals up on the blog. Illustrations are good, no?

A watermelon tourmaline with lepidolite clusters is calling to me. I keep crying out to the Universe that I can't afford this, that there are such things as budgets and fiscal responsibilities; it merely laughs at me and the rocks tell me, "That's all right, we have the patience of stone."

Think about that for a moment. "The patience of stone." Gives you chills, doesn't it? Not that they meant it that way, but it essentially tells me that I am doomed. Remember that image. It will probably come up later.

It's clear the one of the missions of this life is to trust. I have serious problems with being able to trust. Throwing my fate into the wind, so to speak, is out of character and yet, it is something that I feel I must learn how to do. After all, the Universe hasn't failed me yet, why can't I just give over? Because like a lot of people in this world, I have little control and strive to keep what I feel that I have. Never mind that control is illusion. At least what little they pretend to give us in western culture. There is a fine line between control, trust and foolishness. Perhaps the trick is not so much to learn how to trust, but how to walk that line without falling. Yes, the Universe provides but the Universe is also interested in seeing us grow, and like a good parent, will sometimes let us fall to get the point.

Something else to think about.

I've moved my Buddha from beside my front door to under the wisteria in one of the semi-neglected beds in the garden. He looks content there, but my front door feels naked. Thinking of getting a Kuan Yin or a Jizo for the spot. It's funny because I'm not a Buddhist and I know very little about Buddhism; I just like the aesthetics of the art. There is something very peaceful about a Buddha sitting beneath a wisteria. Anyway, here he is. Maybe I should remove that stick?

Protection (pt 1): Choice

How does one talk about protection?

We live in a world awash in negativity. Turn on the news or read any newspaper, and you will have your choice of stories designed to terrify you. The dominant culture thrives upon fear and hate. You never hear about any of the positive things in life; good news makes poor copy. Fear is a very powerful motivator, especially if your goal is power over others. Look what has happened in the United States in the past ten years. They chipped away out our rights, got us to tolerate government interference on a level never even conceived of before all because some whackaloons drove a plane into a building.

Now, I am not downplaying the seriousness of 9/11. Not at all! The world was unified that day in its collective horror, and we were given a choice of which path to choose: it could have unified us or divided us. Guess which one we chose?

Yes, we chose it. It wasn't chosen for us. We let our fear and horror overcome our sense of justice and ethical imperative; we surrendered our dearly held freedoms for the security of a government with a mandate to control our lives that much more than it had before. We get the government we deserve and the world we chose, and if that world is not to our liking, we have no one to blame but our self. The whackaloons won. They got us to change our beliefs. They taught us the oppression was okay in the name of security and safety. And those whose faint voices were raised in objection, that cried, "Stop! This isn't right!" were branded traitors and even worse.

Just as the voices that raised the warning about pollution, and global warming over thirty years ago, the difference being the charges against them were of insanity instead of treason.

Fear is our enemy. Hate stems from fear, and violence is their child. A frightened population is a controlled population, as any dictactor can tell you. Want to take someone's power? Want to direct their lives and make them do what you want and not what is right for them? Twist their morality, distort their ethics, manipulate them into accepting that which their own hearts tells them is dangerous and wrong? Make them fear. It's easy.

Gandhi was a brave man. He stood up to fear, and in the process, made those he was fighting against look like total fools. There is a lesson in that.

So how does one survive in a world governed by fear without giving into that paradigm? How does one keep the negativity at bay?

By making the conscious choice to reject it. By teaching the sub-conscious to reject it as well. By telling the Universe "I do not accept this! This is not who I am. My choice is mine alone, and I will not allow others to make it for me. Period."

Easier said then done, and yet, easier done then you might believe.

What is often talked about in metaphysical -- dare I say new age? -- circles is the natue of intent. It's a concept that is difficult to take in if you are raised in the dominant culture of fear and intimidation. How can it be possible? You can say you intend something until your blue in the face, and people can still come along and violate your intent at a whim. What matters is not the outcome, but the intention. If I give to a charity, and that donation is embezzled or used for a different purpose then I intended, it does not change the nature of my intent. I gave it for a specific reason. That it did not end end up that way is not my choice or my responsibility. If there is karma in the incident, it is not my karma to deal with but the karma of the person who diverted the funds.

Intention is important. How does one make an intention? By making a choice, and sticking to that choice come hell or high water. The Universe will test this choice. It will ask you, "Is this what you really want?" because if it is convinced that it is, it will give it to you. Then it will sit back and watch to see what you do with the outcome.

Inherent in both intention and choice, is permission and this is where it gets tricky, because permission can be granted sub-consciously as well as consciously. If deep inside yourself you believe that you are deserving of nothing good, you will get nothing good. You can do affirmations until you are blue in the face, but if your sub-conscious, which drives your motivations and actions without thought on your part, does not believe it, it won't work. You have to take intent, choice and permission sub-consciously as well as consciously. How to do this? By learning who you are, what you truly believe in and what you really want in your life.

Again - easier said then done. Takes actual work, and a bit of time, but hell, take a lesson from the stones for they have the patience of eons on their side. That is why they can be so helpful to us on our path. The energies they produce interacts with our own, and with their help, we can find our balance, ground our psyche and find the firm ground we need to make our conscious choices. It's not like the Universe leaves flapping in the breeze; the stones are only one tool and ally that our available to us. All we have to do is reach for them.

What is your choice?

Random

I'm worried about the plants. It's unnaturally cold for this time of year, especially at night. We should not be reaching freezing temperatures in May. Everything is flowering and there are young chicks in the nests out there; it's too cold. I've been offering up tobacco on their behalf for several days now. My front stoop is beginning to look like the floor of a Cuban cigar factory.

FYI

I am not a healer. I do not claim to be a healer, nor do I have any desire to be one. I do not regard myself as qualified to heal people.

Am I an expert? Hardly. I'm just an ordinary woman trying to find her way through life like anyone else. What I say here is what works for me, take from it what you will. I believe that, ultimately, we are each of us responsible for our own path. What works for some, does not always work for all, and that is true of anybody's teachings or opinions, including those of the guru and the so-called "expert". No one's truth works better then anyone else's. I often use the imagery of a road sign: think of me of just another road sign, pointing you in a direction that might work for you. The important thing is that you get there, not the how, where or when. I believe what I have to say may help you, but that doesn't mean that I'm always right.

Perhaps the hardest thing to accept in any life path is that the responsibility for our lives and our growth is our own. Especially in Western culture, where we are indoctrinated from birth not to trust ourselves, our own observations, experience and intuition. We are trained to fight against independent thought and let "experts' do our thinking for us. Why is that, have you ever wondered? I think it is because it makes us more easily manipulated and exploited; it makes stealing our power a simple thing. What is important is not how we get to our goal, but that we get there with our power and our sense of self intact. Claim your power. Walk your talk. Do not let others manipulate you into handing them control of your life. They don't have all the answers, no one does, least of all myself.

So what do I do?

I think a lot. I like thinking. I like figuring things out and seeing what drives me and other people. I observe. It's amazing what you can learn if you just shut up and watch what's going around you. Sometimes what I think about is simple, and at other times, it's so profound I believe it's beyond capability of the human brain to conceptualize. The nature of time, what exactly is Spirit -- the kind of thing that I can only take in small doses because, quite frankly, it makes my head hurt. That is how I have come to accept the reality of Mystery. There are some things that we are simply not meant to know, and that is okay. Is that faith? Perhaps, but I think it's more then that. Faith is a rather simplistic concept of the deep seating knowing we all have in our bones; it doesn't reside in the head, but in the heart, and it is a birthright that is least understood. There are not many people who have "faith", much less understand what it is or so I think. Their actions often belie their words.

What to I do with the crystals?

I meditate with them. I use them in grids, directed more at the Earth then at people. If I am a healer, I am a healer of the land. I don't know enough to understand the ills of human beings, but sometimes the Earth whispers to me, the energies trigger my nerves and slide up my bones, and instinct tells me what stone needs to go where for whatever reason. Half the time, I don't even know why and I don't need to know, but still struggle everyday with the Western idea of having to know instead of just acting out of trust. Balance, grounding and trust -- my personal Triumvirate.

There is also something called a stone-finder. What is that? To put it simply, it's the ability to find precisely the right kind of stone for a specific reason at the precise moment it is needed. Stones call to me and sometimes they tell me that the need to go to this person RIGHT NOW, thank you very much. This can become an expensive proposition because often, if the person cannot afford a stone, I'm expected to provide it. I don't mind doing this though it's not something I do for everybody. Instinct tells me that stone-finding has a limited application as it's based on personal relationships and friendships more then a job working with the general population. Most crystal workers have the potential for a stone-finder in their lives if they are in balance and not drive by Ego. The kind of worker that is of no interest of people like Robert Simmons because because they are not driven by money and therefore, have none. In another words, exactly the kind of worker you want to do a healing on you. It's the Universe's way of ensuring that those who need the stones most get the stones they need. I am sure I'm not the only stone-finder out there, but I don't doubt I'm one of the few who recognize what it is.

I have bought crystals for others, I've loaned them out. There are some in my collection that do not regard as strictly mine, that I am merely their keeper until I find the person they need to go to. In the meantime, they sit in my house, looking pretty and doing some pretty radical things to the local energy flows. I actually like stone-finding. Hell, I love it but I keep reminding the Universe that while I do not mind doing it, I have to have the means to do it. No, I'm not asking for money. Merely reminding the Universe of economic realities, the concept of which it has little understanding. As long as I can pay my bills, I am happy.